7th Grade: Cellphone Necessity?

When the pre-teen moved in last August, I wasn't sure I was ready to parent a junior high student.  Even though the adoption was finalized last month, I'm still not sure I'm ready to parent a junior high student.  And one that is about to be 13 at that.

One of the things that surprised me was that every single classmate of hers has a cellphone (or at least that is what it seems like).  Some of them even have iPhones.  Naturally, the pre-teen wanted one desperately.  I said no, but gave it a lot of thought.

I decided she wasn't ready for one because she isn't responsible.  She loses things.  She doesn't understand phone etiquette, and doesn't really use the phone that often.  Her phone conversations last less than 5 minutes in most cases and are about nothing - "what are you doing?" "Nothing, what are you doing?"  Nearly everywhere she goes, the adult in charge has a cellphone, whether that is me, her grandparents, or her teachers.  In short, there are no compelling reasons why she needed one (aside from convenience if she needed to call me or I needed to call her - is that worth $50+ per month?).

Since I decided against a cellphone, I've been watching how her classmates use their cellphones.  I've determined that cellphones are used by junior highers primarily to bully one another.

Since the preteen uses my phone, it is the number that her friends have.  I've received several texts with insults, name-calling and other inappropriate content.  I've written back the offending child, and when I've known the parents, sent them a note regarding how their child is using the phone.  I don't think my pre-teen would do any better; in fact, I suspect she would be sending nasty texts along with these other girls - yet another reason she doesn't need a phone!

My strong responses seem to have cut the number of bad texts dramatically.  I doubt if the pre-teen had her own phone that these messages would have stopped; instead, I suspect there would have been more bullying that went on.

Junior high students do not have compelling reasons to be talking to each other.  Homework assignments are about their biggest issue.   Frankly, there has only been 1 phone call this entire school year about homework at my house.  And that was done because I forced the pre-teen to call a friend and ask about the assignment - not because of her own initiative.  Junior Highers spend 8 hours per day together at school, plus time at any sports, church or other activities after school.

I'm convinced that cellphones for junior high students are NOT a good idea.  There is no parental supervision and no one is held accountable for the things said.  In contrast, with the old landline system, who could say something vile to someone you didn't like when your mother, father, brother and dog were less than 5 feet away and the person on the other end was sitting in a room with their family.  Moms tended to kabosh those conversations immediately.

But with every kid having their own personal cellphone, parents don't know what is going on.

And worse, some don't care.

For the foreseeable future, the pre-teen will not be getting a phone.  I know there are times when it would be convenient, but then I remember those nasty texts and realize until she has a car and a license, she doesn't really need the cellphone.