Prepping for the Wait

I'm inching closer to a decision on both the agency and where to adopt from. The next step will be busy with paperwork and gathering documents. I'll have to complete a home study, which I hope to get started this spring.

Then once that excitement is done, I'll have to wait. Probably several months, if not a couple years.

That will be the hard part.

But then again, I've spent years waiting to achieve things like my law degree or waiting for Mr. Right. The payoff is usually worth the wait, but it is not something I am looking forward to.

So I'm thinking about things to do while I wait. So far, I plan to work on my weight, do some writing, save some money, and get prepared to radically change things once I'm a mother.

As I mentioned in my prior post, I am contemplating international or intercountry adoption. The first big decision is what country to pursue as this will dictate which agencies I can use. Right now, my heart is torn between Nepal and Haiti.

Haiti is appealing because I have been involved in a Christmas ministry with a Haitian school. Each year my church sends care packages, and I love buying things for the kids. One of the interesting quirks about adoption in Haiti is that it takes two trips to Haiti to finalize the adoption. These can be short trips of a week or less.

Nepal intrigues me, and I am unsure why. Perhaps it is the lure of this mountainous country that calls to me.

Both countries have somewhat uncertain processes. Haiti seems to take at least 2-3 years to finalize the adoption, while Nepal is so new to the adoption process that it is not clear how long it would take there.

Depending on which country I decide on, I have narrowed it down to one agency for each. It appears that Nepal is limiting the number of families through each agency (ie 10 families per agency in 2009), so that may be a deciding factor as well.

I’m trying to take my time making these decisions. I have read three books on the process, so I think I have a grasp on how things work. And I have been reading some blogs to get the perspective of potential families. Most are very excited, but very frustrated during the lengthy waiting process.

I am trying to not rush into a decision, but to think it through first, especially since it will be a financial stretch for the adoption fees. The financing is a concern, but not the most important one. Being deliberate in the process is important to me as I don't want to just do something because I feel like I'm being left behind in the parenthood stakes. I'd rather do it because it is something I have always wanted AND (It's a big "and") God wants me to do it.

So Now What?

I have been busy the past few months with my newest project: seminary. I am enjoying the classes and learning a lot about my faith, my God and how it all fits together.

Among the things I am thinking about as the year draws to a close is about motherhood. Becoming a pastor is a bit like mothering a congregation. Ultimately, my congregation will need to be encouraged, fed the Word, disciplined, and loved.

Throughout this process, it has brought to the front my singleness and childlessness. While I have resolved the marriage debate (in my mind at least) as something that although not for this season, it may be something God blesses me with in the future. In my mind, marriage and motherhood always went together. Get married. Have babies. As I approach 40 (I just turned 38 in October), my biological clock is ticking. But now the issue is whether I really desire children. And if so, should I continue to wait for a husband or should I pursue alternative routes?

One route would be to adopt a child or children, which opens a pandora’s box of issues. Domestic or International? One or more? How do I afford the cost of the adoption? Can I meld my life into something that can contain the time and effort required for children? What would have to give in my spending, travel, job, and schedule? How would this impact my future?

Ironically, the quick and easy solution would be in-vitro fertilization, but I don’t feel that is necessarily the right solution. I’m not sure I’m ready to grapple with the issues of sperm donors and being single and pregnant.

At this point, I am very intrigued by the idea of adopting a child. As I look at the next 25 years of my life, I’d like it to include a family with children and grandchildren. I feel like I’m at the point where I need to make a decision for the future before my age is so advanced I have no choices. I don’t think I’m beyond the point of no return, but it does appear in the offing.

God calls us to take care of the widows and orphans. Does that apply to single women? Or should adoption be left to families? These are issues I need to explore in the next few months and see how the answers impact my decisions.

The hardest part right now is talking about it with my family and friends. I guess I’m afraid of the reaction, although I doubt anyone is going to say something bad.

As I am reading more about international adoption, I’m learning that there really is a path that each family/person takes. The first and biggest choice is what country you want to pursue and what agency to use. Of course, people have good and bad experiences with many different agencies. As a single woman, my options country-wise are limited. Most asian countries do not accept single parents and it appears the African nations are divided on it. Places like Bulgaria, Russia, Haiti, Nepal and Hong Kong will accept single women. I am finding contradictory messages on places like Ethiopia.

In all, it is a big decision. Unless I adopt from an Eastern European nation, my child will look vastly different than I do. While that may not seem to be a big deal, the books I am reading mention it as a consideration. Obviously, a child with a different nationality will be obvious when we are out together.

So, for now, I am looking at which agency to use. Praying about how to finance this, and hoping that I get some divine guidance on what to do and how to proceed next.