Frustration of Single Motherhood

I'm still looking into options for intercountry adoption.  My frustration is that most adoption agencies do not want to work with singles.

I understand that some countries will only allow married couples adoption.  But what I have been running into is countries that have no such requirement but the agencies are imposing it!

Some do it under a belief that children should only be raised by two parent homes.  I understand that rationale, but remember that  these are children without ANY parents.  Would it be better for the child to languish in an institution while people exist who want to love and cherish them? And who can promise that placing a child with a couple means the couple will not separate due to death or divorce?

Still others regulate this in response to the flux in international adoption laws - many countries are constantly tweaking the guidelines.  While an intercountry adoption takes a couple of years, most of the time the agencies are operating on rumors not facts.

Finding financial aid as a single is similarly difficult as the many Christian organizations will fund only couples.

The only thing worse than adopting as a single mother?  Adopting as a single father.

Daydreaming

I spent most of the day in one of my intensives daydreaming.  It wasn't that the prof was boring or the material not relevant, rather I just couldn't focus my mind.

So, I spent the time trying to occasionally tune in and thinking through a few things.  I revisited the plot of my NaNoWriMo novel (which isn't finished but is over 50,000).  I was amazed at how it actually had some merit (not spectacular).  I wonder when I will have time to finish it off - I had also written about as far as I could without changing the plot too much.

I also spent time looking again at adoption agencies.  I'm hoping to take the foster family training in September, and I am trying to discern whether I should pursue international adoption or domestic adoption.  The cost of the international adoption is part of the obstacle in my mind.  I suppose it could be handled through a savings plan, but I'm not sure how long that would take.

Where to go from here

I'm spending my summer learning and adjusting to my move.  I have also spent time learning more about adoption.  Frankly, I'm not sure where to go from here - do I try to adopt internationally or do foster care.

Adopting internationally will be difficult as a single woman and costly.  Foster care would allow me to avoid the issues with international adoption (language, time, money, unknown issues from orphanage).  This is not to say foster care/adoption would be without issues.  Initially, the child is to be reunited with the parent and eventually if the parent does not follow the court's orders, the parent's rights will be terminated and the child placed for adoption.

My other issue is whether parenting is something I should be pursuing at all.  Do I have enough time to parent a child? What will I do during those times I have intensive learning at Bethel?  What would I do with the child while at work?  Am I emotionally ready to handle this alone?