Sex and the Everyday Christian

This week, I read a dating profile that caused me to pause.  The man wrote that he was a firm Lutheran, but his goals in a relationship were #1 communication and #2 romance/sex.

What caused me to pause was the inconsistency between his faith and his motives for dating.  Unfortunately, this isn't unusual.  We tend to say one thing and then do another.

No where in the lives of the average Christian is this more prevalent than in our sex lives.  Society saturates us in sex talk, mainstreams questionable sexual practices (one night stands, threesomes, to name a few), makes celebrities out of porn stars, and touts the benefits of polygamy.

The societal water is so full of pollution we don't even realize we're in it - it flows into our music, our conversations and our thought-lives.

And it shows up in our daily lives.  We don't question sex before marriage or the birth of children outside of marriage.  We think, erroneously, that living together before marriage increases its likelihood of success.  We buy into the idea that sexual compatibility is more important than emotional compatibility.

The Christian Church remains silent.  Perhaps too many have fallen into sexual misadventure to speak into the void.  Perhaps many have bought into the idea that sex is private and shouldn't be discussed in the open.  Perhaps others think parents are the ones to address it with their children, not realizing parents are too busy, scared, and embarrassed to discuss it.

On the other hand, the Christian Church feels compelled to speak out on homosexual sex.  Forgetting that it is heterosexual sex that the Bible speaks most often about, and condemns outside of marriage.

We decry abortion, but fail to address the cause: sex in relationships that aren't really relationships!  Instead, we kill babies as a form of birth control and as a way to maintain the convenience of our lives.  Surgery is endorsed as a way to avoid something that is completely preventable in several other ways.

By forfeiting our position on premarital/extramarital heterosexual sex, we lose ground on other issues. Worse, by not conforming our lives to Christ, we lose out on the benefits of grace: peace, joy, and healing.

Beans & Rice

A blog I read suggested eating more beans and rice.  Her reason was that it was easy to make in a crockpot and rice cooker and, more importantly, all of her children would eat it.

There is also a movement to eat more beans and rice as a way to identify and support countries where the meal is a staple.  The meal is cheap, easy to make and relatively healthy as a vegetarian dish with protein.

And the variations are endless. Add a few spices, and it tastes one way; add some others and it is favored another way.

I decided to try it today, so I made my first batch of black beans (with a bay leaf, onion and garlic salt) and brown rice.  As it was my first use of the rice cooker, I had a slight malfunction.  But by the time to eat, I had everything done.  It had a good favor, and was fairly filling.

I cooked the beans in the crockpot overnight on low and the rice was cooked this morning.  I'm excited to see what I can do with the leftovers - Mexican dishes, cha-cha gohan, and other delicacies.

New Trend in TV Shows: Mainstreaming Polygamy

It started with "Big Love" an HBO show, featuring a man with three wives.  This year, TLC is following a  real life "family" with one husband, four wives, and sixteen children.

Why the fascination with multiple wives?  And why is the entertainment world touting this as an acceptable and desirable lifestyle?

The Old Testament featured these type of families, and generally things did not go well.  Jacob's family was split with strife by wives who felt less desirable, unloved and those who lorded their position in the family over the others.  The strife flowed to the following generations.

By New Testament times, the standard family had resolved to one husband, one wife (at least at any given point in time, as the wife or husband may change via death or divorce).

In the Muslim world, polygamy is more common.  But the issues that plagued Jacob's family still persist in these type of families.  Jealousy.  Child Brides. Women with no choice. Children with secrets.

What I do not understand is why there is no outcry from women's groups that these lifestyles are going on.  Why is it OK for one man to have multiple wives?  Why no shows celebrating one wife, multiple husbands?  The reason, I believe, is that it strikes at the traditional fears of men (and I am not saying this is necessarily a bad tradition).

But it is not empowering to women either.  Who wants to share a husband?  Who wants to have to wait until Wednesday to see Daddy because that is the night we get him?  Who can afford to support four wives and sixteen children?  And what happens when the man dies and social security only pays one wife?

Our culture has embraced an anything goes sexuality.  Polygamy is just another step on the path toward demolishing the remaining sexual boundaries.  Once polygamy is accepted, the envelope will move to another issue.

As Christians, we need to address the polygamy issue in our culture and not just look the other way.

Week One: Spiritual Exercises

As I've noted before, I am taking a class/program/retreat on St. Ignatius' Spiritual Exercises for the next nine months.  I've completed Week One, and am somewhat surprised at the results.

Right now, the exercises are working on silence and solitude.  The goal of the retreat is to set aside one hour each day.  The hour doesn't have to be at once (I can break it into 1/2 hr, 1/3 hour, whatever sized chunks).  I tried to do one half hour each morning and the remainder at night.  At first, I tried to be silent on the treadmill, but was getting some distraction from the rhythm of it.  So, I decided to sit and "listen."

It is hard to be silent!  My mind tends to wander and my prayers are more me talking than anything else.  I'd say the toughest part is trying to capture my mind's constant flight from one thing to another and focus on waiting for God.

I was also surprised how quickly the time passed.  Often, I would get toward the end of the time and be amazed how quickly and effortlessly it had passed.  I had worried that getting up a few minutes earlier each day would cause me to be tired.  But, I was not any more than usual.

God seemed to give me energy to accomplish the things I needed to during the day without feeling rushed or short of time.  I am encouraged to keep working on this time and to think of different ways to spend the time.

Conversion: One Time or Ongoing? Faith or Works?

Since Martin Luther, Protestants have exclaimed Sola Fideles, and painted Catholics as living by works, not faith.  My Confession:  As a Protestant, I have an uneasy relationship with Sola Fideles.

I understand what Luther was driving at - it isn't church attendance, daily prayer, tithing or not transgressing the ten commandments that gets you into heaven - it is faith in Jesus.  But, I sometimes think we Protestants have thrown out Baby Jesus with the bath water, as we have demoted faith to a one-time event.  Say "The Prayer," and that's all you have to until death.

We have eliminated works, which in turn eliminated relationship with and growth through Christ.  Worse, we've eliminated any incentive to obey God's commands.  Why avoid sex before marriage - I prayed The Prayer one day in Bible School.  Why not steal from my employer - I prayed The Prayer in college?

In Matthew 13, Jesus tells the story of The Sower.  In it, he points out that some seed falls in the rocks, springs up quickly and then withers.  I worry that with The Prayer idea we have sown solely in the rocks and have reaped nothing.

It is not my decision whether someone who prays The Prayer and then lives life with no other external or internal Christianity gets into heaven.  That will be up to God, and hopefully that will be enough.  But I have to wonder whether a one time prayer with nothing else demonstrates true faith in Jesus (obviously this doesn't get to death bed confessions as there is no time to have works evidence).

I think Sola Fideles has also led people to believe that they can pray The Prayer at the end of life and get into heaven for free.  However, there is no guarantee that there will be time to put faith in Christ, and there is no guarantee that the individual will want to put faith in Christ.

A friend of mine stepped in between two women who were fist fighting at a bar.  For his trouble, he was stabbed by one of them and was taken to the hospital in bad shape.  He knew that the doctors and nurses were very concerned that he was not going to survive the emergency surgery, in part because they sent in a nun to speak with him.  She begged him to repent his sins in case he died before the surgery was over.  He thought about it, but decided that he really wasn't sorry for the "sins" he had committed.  This worried him some later on, but not enough to change.  I'd guess Jesus would say his heart was hard.

I see faith as naturally flowing to works that demonstrate the heart is seeking to be more and more Christlike and to develop a relationship with Christ.  In my own life, I know that there are times I don't want to grow; I'm tired, busy or frustrated with "the church" or "Christians."  I want to take the easy road, not the hard, uphill one.

So then, I want to see evidence of works in the lives of Christians, in addition to faith.  I want to see that the conversion to Christ is real, tangible, and ongoing.

I guess I don't see conversion as a one time thing - I am constantly uprooting sin, bad habits, and idolatry from my heart.  We can never attain perfection until we see Jesus.  Conversion to Jesus takes work.

Spiritual Direction: The Lost Idea?

Today I started my nine month Spiritual Exercises in Everyday Life (SEEL) spiritual retreat.  Part of the commitment is to meet with a spiritual director twice a month. Since SEEL is held at a Franciscan Spirituality Center, and the exercises are from St. Ignatius, I have once again embraced a few "Catholic ideas."  The Catholic idea of spiritual direction sounds like something the protestant church needs to take and run with it.

I certainly had not heard of spiritual direction until I started seminary, and today a co-participant asked how many spiritual directors I had worked with and how long I had done spiritual direction.  She was a bit shocked when I admitted none and never.  Spiritual direction involves talking with a listening director who helps formulate your thoughts, not someone who tells you want to do.  It is more of a sounding board for how God may be working in your life instead of a person who will tell you what decisions to make.

I decided that spiritual direction was something the catholic church did well as they have numerous people involved in daily spirituality (Monks, Nuns, etc).  In the protestant church, instead of celebrating singleness and finding ways to utilize singles within the church, we are pushing people to get married and have kids (see my rants on this topic elsewhere in this blog).  In the protestant churches I have attended, we celebrate small groups and mentoring, but not to the level of spiritual direction.  One to one accountability may be in fashion, but not one to one spiritual direction.

On the other hand, in the catholic church, one to one direction is par for the course.  Apparently, there are even directories to find spiritual directors.  Now, it also appears that spiritual direction is gaining protestant adherents as well.  As several of my co-participants are protestant and have taken classes on spiritual direction.

Spiritual direction could be a boon in the protestant church - in an age of counselors, consultants and advisors, I think people would embrace the idea.  Additionally, it would bolster the segments already in play in the church - giving pastors a respite, addressing issues small groups are ill-equipped to handle, help with developing a consistent, flexible and personal spiritual disciplines, and providing a confidential place to talk through sin and discouragement issues.

Let's hope the movement continues to grow.

New Beginnings Or I Hate Change?

A couple weeks ago, I applied for a different job - as a judge.  I did not get the position.  However, it put into motion a lot of thinking about what I want to do next in my life.  Do I want to continue to advance up the ranks at work?  What if that means moving?  What if an opportunity presents itself in the next couple months (which is actually very possible)?

Or do I settle in here, where I am comfortable and enjoy life?  Having just moved in the last six months, I am not keen on moving again.  I found I wasn't too excited about changing jobs right now.

Maybe that is because I just experienced those things and know how much work it would be.  Or maybe I am becoming complacent in a comfortable situation, which isn't a bad thing once in a while.

How does seminary fit in?  Is a radical change in my career in the offing?

My concern is that I don't want to change just to change, chasing an elusive dream instead of doing what will add to my quality of life (which is not necessarily money or more time at work).

Prayer, Writing, Contemplation & Dante

My reading for the past year (aside from seminary required reading) has included an emphasis on contemplation and prayer.  These things are areas God is working in my life, drawing me closer to Him.  The major benefit of singleness, as acknowledge through the ages, is time to think and the ability to determine for one's priorities.

I am convicted that prayer and writing are two areas I need to focus on.  I have always dabbled in writing poetry - both metrical and free verse.  I tend to go in "spurts" where I write a lot, then write nothing for months.  I also have in process several other writing projects, aside from the poetry, which need to be completed.

Since last fall, I have been struggling to figure out how to integrate more prayer and poetry into my devotional life.

I'm not sure I have the solution.

Last fall, I wanted to take a class focused on St. Ignatius' Spiritual Excercies at a Franciscan Spirituality Center.  Instead, I am doing it this fall.  It involves committing to praying an hour a day, and I am not sure I can really accomplish that, but I suspect the payoff will be worth it.  I've also become fascinated by the idea of Benedictine living & Benedictine Oblates- the focus on prayer while doing daily things.  In my mind, there has to be a way to integrate the everyday things into a prayer life (Brother Lawrence anyone?)

Last spring, I started writing a poem a day.  I was surprised at how easily it worked for about 60 days.  Then, I fell off the wagon.  I have spurts where I think I need to pick that up again, but I'm not ready to do that.  I suspect my poetry writing needs to take off again and will with the focus on prayer.

I'm also taking a class on Emotional Maturity and Spiritual Leadership.  Interestingly, the first book addresses our family of origin and contemplative living.  (Perhaps I was on to something with the prayer and poetry writing!).

My inspiration this fall is Dante, the medieval poet.  I started reading The Divine Comedy this summer and was astounded by the complex poetic verse and the religious ideas that permeate it.  How does one invent such things?  How do you invent it during 1300?  How do you do it in rhyming verse?

I love the imagery, the illusion to scripture, the structure of hell, purgatory and heaven, the addition of catholic ideas (when we were all members of the catholic church), and the fusion of Roman and Greek mythology.  My history classes definitely help me to understand Dante's comments on church history and function.

So, with Dante as inspiration, prayer as a devotion, and poetry as a method to express myself, I hope to dive into the contemplative lifestyle.

2010 Boone Supernationals

First, let me start by telling you I love the Boone Supernationals.  It is an experience unlike any other.  If you love racing, you really need to add this event to your "Must-See" list.

The Supernationals are a weeklong dirt track racing festival.  This year over 805 cars participated in over 340 races, with 2,000+ green flag laps, all culminating in six Champions.  A Typical race day starts at 3 p.m. and ends somewhere between 11 p.m. and 3 a.m. (No, I'm not kidding).

Sponsored by IMCA, the Supernationals draw racers and fans from all over the U.S. and Canada.  This year, the crowd was more diversified than ever.  The fans that pack the stands and the campgrounds are friendly, excited, and willing to talk racing at any level (Nascar, local track, F1, sprint cars).  There are plenty of activities during the week - meeting the drivers, pancake breakfasts, parades, and whatever else happens in racing campgrounds.

The racing is truly at the grassroots level.  Most of the drivers hold another job and use the Supernationals as their vacation for the year.  They have raced weekly at their local track; some are track champions, while others are just guys looking for a good time and a race.  While there are sponsorships, they are local sponsorships - the town plumber, hotel, restaurant, towing service and parts supplier. You won't find DuPont, Home Depot or  M&M's here.  Cars are more likely to be sponsored by Mom & Dad, Toby K's Hideaway, Harris Auto, Smith Farms or Victory Chassis. 

Fans have favorites, demonstrated by their T-shirts and cheers, but they are also willing to boo a driver for bad driving. (Last night a fistfight broke out on track between drivers during a last chance race, which sparked some excitement.)   At the same time, drivers are welcomed into the stands after their events and chat with the fans.

Last night, four Champions were crowned in the Hobby Stock, Stock Car, SportModified and Modified classes.  Jason Wilkinson of Neligh, Nebraska won the Hobby Stock A Main; Jeremy Christians of Horicon, Wisconsin won the Stock Car A Main; Brett Meyer of Lytton, Iowa won the SportMod Championship; Jimmy Gustin of Marshalltown, Iowa was crowned the Modified Champion.

I thoroughly enjoyed watching the races, talking to racing friends, meeting a few new ones, and getting lots of dirt blown on me.

Let's say taking three showers to get clean afterwards did not dampen my enthusiasm for the night...

Singing Away My Week

This week has been busy as one of my co-workers moved on, so I inherited a few more cases to handle.  This extra work comes at a good time as I do not currently have classes or homework to worry about.

I've been enjoying my choir rehearsal each Thursday night, even though it does consume some of my precious free time.  I find that it puts me in a good mood, even though I am tired by Friday!  We are already practicing for the Christmas concert, so I'm enjoying singing holiday songs (and some not so obviously holiday songs) each week.  What I am most excited about is that I am singing a harmony part and so far have been able to find my notes!  A lot of times, I struggle, but with this group, I am finding the harmony even though it is often dissonant harmony.  

With my hope to become a mother via adoption or foster care, I have been evaluating my life to see what will have to give if I add kids to the mix.  I think that una vocis would be one thing I keep, as it brings joy!  But, it may have to be something that I look at in the future.

Burning the Koran

A church of 50 people in Florida plans to burn multiple Korans on September 11th.  The publicity stunt (what else could it be?) has already generated much negative press, including condemnation from General Petraeus, Secretary of State Clinton, the Vatican and Angelina Jolie (I know you were waiting to see what her stance was!).

The church, which has been denied a burning permit, plans to proceed anyway.  The pastor, Terry Jones, says he wants the burning to be a warning message that radical Islam will not be tolerated.

While his message may be one that many agree with, the method of delivering it is problematic.  Instead of garnering sympathy and agreement, Jones' message will incite moderate Muslims into the more radical sects.  Unlike Christians, who are taught to turn the other cheek and will overlook an insult on their scriptures, Muslims are vowed to keep the name of their prophet and their scriptures sacred.

Petraeus is concerned that it will cause further problems in Afghanistan with the American troops serving there.  In reality, it will make evangelism more difficult in Muslim countries as American Christians are lumped in with this group of 50 who are burning the Koran.

This clash is a clash of cultures and values, with both sides misunderstanding each other.  The burning of one side's holy book will only incite more violence and trouble, not bridge the divide.

You Never Change, O God

Have you ever noticed that "You haven't changed a bit," is sometimes both a compliment and insult? Said by a friend we haven't seen for a while, it may be a compliment that we are essentially the same person they knew so well some time ago.  Said by someone near and dear to us in an argument, it may indicate that our behavior needs an amendment.

I've been ruminating on  Malachi 3:6: "I the Lord do not change."  What exactly does that mean?  And what does it mean that we humans are constantly in a state of change?  If we are created in the image of God, how has sin warped us that we are in constant flux?

We pride ourselves on evolving and changing as we age.  At the same time, we hate change in our lives - we hate new things sprung on us at work, someone sitting in our seat at church, and (I at least) loathe changing hairstyles.

God does not change.  He remains the same loving, merciful and holy being He always was.  He does not change his mind.  He does not recant his promises.  He is committed to going the distance for those He loves.

On the other hand, we promise and fail to follow through.  We lie to others and ourselves.  Our emotions change and we over-react.  We leave a loving God and chase after people and things that cannot satisfy. We change by growing ever closer to perfection during our journey here on earth, but we never achieve perfection this side of heaven.

But God, our ever-constant companion, has promised perfection and holiness to us if we love and honor Him alone.  In the end, we achieve the  unchanging by changing from our sin.

Friends

I wrote a couple days ago that Paris Hilton appeared to have a friend problem, as she keeps getting in trouble with her "friend's" drugs.  I thought I'd expound a bit on that idea.

As a criminal defense attorney, I see people get swept up into situations that initially seemed innocent.  This, however, is the exception, not the rule.  Many more people slide into illegal activity by hanging around those who are already engaged in marginal activities.  Marginal activities like over-indulging in alcohol, using marijuana (which is a gateway drug that leads to meth, coke, herion, etc), vandalism, theft or other crimes.

By hanging around people who think these behaviors are OK, or who even celebrate this way of life loosens the restraints that may have previously held the influencee back.  Before they really think things through, they are engaging in the same marginal behavior.

Often, the hardest part for people dealing with substance abuse addictions is getting away from the people they socialize with and who are fine with the substance abuse use.  In other words, it is hard to ditch the guys during football season if they are your friends and it involves drinking heavily while watching the game.

I don't remember how many clients have told me that they were fine being an "island," staying away from the bad influences until one showed up at the door and offered "pseudo-relationship" (and a bag or bottle of something).

Settling at the lowest common denominator is common in friendships - that is why parents are right to be worried about their kids.

Recognizing when a person is a bad influence is a skill everyone needs to develop and recognize when it is happening in life.  I know that I have "friends" whom I have decided are not good for me - their company does not encourage me to be a better person.  I know I have to be on alert to their ideas and influences in my life when I am around them, and I need to evaluate how I relate to them.  On the other hand, I have friends who I don't have to filter those things with because their influence is encouraging and uplifting.

It appears Paris's friends fall into the "bad influence" category.  Her worldview allows drug use to be accepted.

Paris Hilton

As a lawyer, I am a bit amused by Paris Hilton's recent legal troubles.  She's arrested in a car driven by her doped up boyfriend and the police find drugs in her purse.

First, she claims the purse isn't hers.  Then, she claims that is was her purse but someone else had borrowed it.  Apparently some of the contents were hers, as she used the lip baum inside during the course of the stop.

This is the third time this summer Paris and her associates have been busted for drug use and possession.  First, she was detained for marijuana possession in South Africa.  A friend claimed the drugs where the friend's and Paris skated free.  The second episode happened in Corsica, and again a friend said the marijuana was hers.  This time, Paris is the only female in a car.  She has a purse with drugs in it, while her boyfriend has drugs both in the car and in his bloodstream.

It would appear Paris has a drug problem.

It comes as no big surprise: Paris has been hanging around with people who have had acknowledged drug problems for years: Nicole Ritchie, Lindsey Lohan, etc.  Whether she uses or not, she is hanging around with people who do.  It apparently does not bother her that others use drugs in her presence.

Hopefully, Paris gets a substance abuse evaluation, is honest about her own careless attitude about drugs, and gets the help she needs.

And ditches the "Friends" who have lead her to this point.

Fantasy Football

My fantasy football draft is this weekend.  I never know how I should be listing the players.  I usually end up with some sort of automated pick.

I'm never sure how they rank the players - I see this year that Drew Brees is listed above both Adrian Rodgers and Peyton Manning.  Bret Favre is no where to be seen, but Adrian Peterson is #2 on the ESPN listing.

Each year I become more and more convinced that the rankers have no idea what they are talking about and are really in a back room somewhere throwing darts at a list of players' names.

I am excited about the league this year - we usually have fun playing each other as most of the league are family members or close friends.