I stumbled across an interesting Article on chastity. The author, Hephzibah Anderson, took a year long vow of celibacy to see how it affected her dating life (and life in general).
What she discovered about herself and her dates was eye-opening. First, she believes we disconnect the emotional from the sexual, to our detriment. By rushing to bed, women, in particular, forego the emotional connection they desire for mere sexual contact. She views it as women exchanging sexual frustration for emotional frustration.
Anderson found that by removing sex from her dating, she was able to be more "generous" in dating, meaning she gave men a break as she wasn't viewing everything through sexualized context. The men seemed to embrace the chance to step into traditional roles of courtship.
Women seemed to be the most upset at her chastity vow, which she attributes to the view that a woman's independence is related to loving and leaving men, not choosing another way.
Anderson wrote a book on her experiences. Of the letters she received from men, some affirmed that if the right woman came along, they would be willing to wait until marriage for sex.
Her goal now is to bring "moderation" to the sexual revolution.
What she discovered about herself and her dates was eye-opening. First, she believes we disconnect the emotional from the sexual, to our detriment. By rushing to bed, women, in particular, forego the emotional connection they desire for mere sexual contact. She views it as women exchanging sexual frustration for emotional frustration.
Anderson found that by removing sex from her dating, she was able to be more "generous" in dating, meaning she gave men a break as she wasn't viewing everything through sexualized context. The men seemed to embrace the chance to step into traditional roles of courtship.
Women seemed to be the most upset at her chastity vow, which she attributes to the view that a woman's independence is related to loving and leaving men, not choosing another way.
Anderson wrote a book on her experiences. Of the letters she received from men, some affirmed that if the right woman came along, they would be willing to wait until marriage for sex.
Her goal now is to bring "moderation" to the sexual revolution.
This article is interesting to me because a secular source is affirming many of the reasons Christians have for choosing abstinence. Removing sex from the dating equation frees people to look at other aspects of their beloved - their character and the rest of their life. While sex may be an important part of a marriage, things like views on money, children, religion, and family are the primary reasons people divorce - not sex life. Having sex in a relationship muddies the water.
Anderson points out that women need emotional connection, and by jumping in bed, women lose the opportunity to get that from men.
A friend of mine claims the sexual revolution was merely a way for men to get free sex - without the strings of marriage, paternity, or even relationship. Unfortunately, there is a lot of truth in that statement.
Chastity is not viewed as a virtue by most in our society. Anderson's piece at least presents it as an option for those navigating the dating world. Young women and men don't understand that there is a choice beyond sex, nor does anyone tell them the emotional and relational pitfalls. Society mocks virginity, abstinence and celebrates people who can't keep their marriage vows. Anderson's work may not be perfect, but it at least presents a point to start the discussion.
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