S.E.E.L Retreat

The SEEL Retreat's focus in the past month has been on the Easter story.  In some ways, this is a dark and gloomy portion of the retreat.

After Easter, we have the chance to embrace the joy of the resurrection.

However, we still have one week until then.  I am anxious to skip over the hard parts of this week and instead focus on the joy that comes with Easter morning. But without the death, there is no new birth.  Without the hard parts, we don't learn how wonderful the good parts are.

For me, the time since the beginning of the year has been great.  Progress has been made toward adding to my family, so anticipation is in the air.  In reviewing last fall's journal, I noted that I felt like I was walking through a desert valley.  I'm not sure whether that was due to the lack of momentum toward the foster care and adoption or if it was the difficulty I had with one of my classes.  Or if it was the struggle I had with the adjustment to this retreat.  In any event, it was very insightful to see how things went once I persevered through it.

A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals

I have a love-hate relationship with Shane Claiborne.  At times, I really understand where he is coming from and think he has valid points.  At other times, I would like to thump him up-side the head with the largest Bible I can find.

So, it was with some mixed feelings that I purchased his newest "book," which is really a new take on an  old practice.  Claiborne, along with Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove and Enuma Okoro, designed a new liturgy of prayer for the church.  The "old" liturgy was the divine office or common book of prayer depending on denomination.

The books is called "A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals."  As someone who is always looking for a new way to add prayer to my life, I am somewhat excited about this book.  I have used Phyllis Tickle's books for the divine hours and a Benedictine breviary.  Both are helpful, but have limitations.  I'm sure that Claiborne's book will leave me with the same feelings.

I also expect that Claiborne will challenge me with some of his more radical ideas.  Like some of his ideas, I'm sure I will disagree with quite a few. There are a few others, however, that as I think on them, I am finding more and more merit to the idea.

Solitude

As an introvert, I thrive on being alone.  I still need interaction with people, but I also crave the time to reflect, think, and plan that solitude brings me.  In fact, I get grumpy and frazzled if I am forced to spend too much time in a large group!

Someone asked me how I could spend so much time alone.  I find there are always things to distract you: television, radio, books, the internet, friends, housework or exercise.  I don't even realize most of the time that I am alone.

On the other hand, I wonder how people spend so much time together!  When do you find time to think things through when you are constantly interacting with others?  

Like most things, God intend us to enjoy a balance of time together and time in solitude.  Jesus modeled this to us during his lifetime.

I find comfort in the fact that Jesus took time to himself.  In solitude, he would pray and talk with God (Mark 1:35, Luke 5:16, Luke 6:12).  Occasionally he'd let a couple disciples come along with him, but the multitude did not get to intrude in this time (Matthew 26:36, Luke 9:18, Luke 9:28).

Have you ever wondered what Jesus prayed about?  What did he need to say to God on a consistent basis?  Why was it important to him to spend the time in solitude?  What benefits would solitude have for us today?

For more Women of Faith blogs on solitude, click here. 

Sunday Sabbath

I've been trying to intentionally set aside Sunday as a day I don't do housework, homework, or other "work."  So far, it has been rather successful.

It was difficult to not worry about when I'd get things done during the day on Sunday.  But, as time has gone on, I am better at setting these things aside.  I also find that I have to focus on getting things done on Friday or Saturday that I would otherwise have let slide until Sunday (which lead to a scramble to get it done before Monday).

With this process, I am also trying to be intentional with what I do with the time - spending some of it in prayer, devotional reading etc.  It is very relaxing to have the day to do whatever: walk, rest, read a book, be creative or spend time with friends and family.

I am trying not to get legalistic with it either - I realize at some point, I may be forced to do homework or other things on a Sunday.  But I think the experience over all is worthwhile.

Spiritual Disciplines & Growth

The Idea of Spiritual Disciplines has been rumbling around my heart and mind for about a year.  How does the Church help people to grow in Christ?  How can we inspire people to spend time praying, fasting, reading the Bible, memorizing scripture etc?

Churches used to have sunday school to teach both kids and adults.  I'm sure some churches still do this, but in my experience, it is slowly falling into disuse - primarily because people don't attend.  Growing up, we also had Sunday night church.  Now, I suspect, if we have a service then, we'd have about 2 people there including the three pastors at church!  I understand that people are busy and do not want to devote more time to another activity, even if it is a church activity (myself included!).

This leaves the small group model as the primary way to disciple people.  Most churches also expect small groups to be the caring community and social network for their members.  

While I have been in wonderful small groups, I wonder if the church isn't leaving too much to the small group model.  One complaint I have with the small group model is that while I get to know 6-10 people really well, I don't get to know anyone else in the church body.  In a church over 300 members, this can be a problem; in a church of over 1,000 members, this is a tremendous issue.  This says nothing of the fact that the groups can become cliques to the exclusion of others.

Sometimes one thing or another is left out or ignored due to the composition of the small group.  By this, I mean that either the social or the discipleship issue is stressed - the group gets together to socialize with no discipleship in sight, or is glued to a book/lesson with no time to socialize.  

I wonder if these small group models aren't the Church shirking some of its responsibilities.  Did we get rid of Sunday night and midweek activities because we have gone to the small group model? I suspect the answer is yes.

The reality is that church attendance is shrinking in every state in the US except Hawaii.  We have more and more nominal Christians in our churches and we give them less and less opportunity to dive deep into Christ's love.

So how do we inspire the diverse ages, backgrounds, and people in the Church to pick up the traditional spiritual disciplines in a non-traditional way?  Can the Church make Bible study, scripture memory, prayer, fasting, community and good works fashionable again?  

I suspect the answer is yes!  But it will take effort to convince people that these activities are worth while, are not legalistic (which they can become), and that doing these things will help them live the life Christ desires for them - one that involves walking with Him.

My hope is to look at some spiritual disciplines and figure out ways to get these back into the church in my upcoming blogs.

Week One: Spiritual Exercises

As I've noted before, I am taking a class/program/retreat on St. Ignatius' Spiritual Exercises for the next nine months.  I've completed Week One, and am somewhat surprised at the results.

Right now, the exercises are working on silence and solitude.  The goal of the retreat is to set aside one hour each day.  The hour doesn't have to be at once (I can break it into 1/2 hr, 1/3 hour, whatever sized chunks).  I tried to do one half hour each morning and the remainder at night.  At first, I tried to be silent on the treadmill, but was getting some distraction from the rhythm of it.  So, I decided to sit and "listen."

It is hard to be silent!  My mind tends to wander and my prayers are more me talking than anything else.  I'd say the toughest part is trying to capture my mind's constant flight from one thing to another and focus on waiting for God.

I was also surprised how quickly the time passed.  Often, I would get toward the end of the time and be amazed how quickly and effortlessly it had passed.  I had worried that getting up a few minutes earlier each day would cause me to be tired.  But, I was not any more than usual.

God seemed to give me energy to accomplish the things I needed to during the day without feeling rushed or short of time.  I am encouraged to keep working on this time and to think of different ways to spend the time.

Conversion: One Time or Ongoing? Faith or Works?

Since Martin Luther, Protestants have exclaimed Sola Fideles, and painted Catholics as living by works, not faith.  My Confession:  As a Protestant, I have an uneasy relationship with Sola Fideles.

I understand what Luther was driving at - it isn't church attendance, daily prayer, tithing or not transgressing the ten commandments that gets you into heaven - it is faith in Jesus.  But, I sometimes think we Protestants have thrown out Baby Jesus with the bath water, as we have demoted faith to a one-time event.  Say "The Prayer," and that's all you have to until death.

We have eliminated works, which in turn eliminated relationship with and growth through Christ.  Worse, we've eliminated any incentive to obey God's commands.  Why avoid sex before marriage - I prayed The Prayer one day in Bible School.  Why not steal from my employer - I prayed The Prayer in college?

In Matthew 13, Jesus tells the story of The Sower.  In it, he points out that some seed falls in the rocks, springs up quickly and then withers.  I worry that with The Prayer idea we have sown solely in the rocks and have reaped nothing.

It is not my decision whether someone who prays The Prayer and then lives life with no other external or internal Christianity gets into heaven.  That will be up to God, and hopefully that will be enough.  But I have to wonder whether a one time prayer with nothing else demonstrates true faith in Jesus (obviously this doesn't get to death bed confessions as there is no time to have works evidence).

I think Sola Fideles has also led people to believe that they can pray The Prayer at the end of life and get into heaven for free.  However, there is no guarantee that there will be time to put faith in Christ, and there is no guarantee that the individual will want to put faith in Christ.

A friend of mine stepped in between two women who were fist fighting at a bar.  For his trouble, he was stabbed by one of them and was taken to the hospital in bad shape.  He knew that the doctors and nurses were very concerned that he was not going to survive the emergency surgery, in part because they sent in a nun to speak with him.  She begged him to repent his sins in case he died before the surgery was over.  He thought about it, but decided that he really wasn't sorry for the "sins" he had committed.  This worried him some later on, but not enough to change.  I'd guess Jesus would say his heart was hard.

I see faith as naturally flowing to works that demonstrate the heart is seeking to be more and more Christlike and to develop a relationship with Christ.  In my own life, I know that there are times I don't want to grow; I'm tired, busy or frustrated with "the church" or "Christians."  I want to take the easy road, not the hard, uphill one.

So then, I want to see evidence of works in the lives of Christians, in addition to faith.  I want to see that the conversion to Christ is real, tangible, and ongoing.

I guess I don't see conversion as a one time thing - I am constantly uprooting sin, bad habits, and idolatry from my heart.  We can never attain perfection until we see Jesus.  Conversion to Jesus takes work.

Prayer, Writing, Contemplation & Dante

My reading for the past year (aside from seminary required reading) has included an emphasis on contemplation and prayer.  These things are areas God is working in my life, drawing me closer to Him.  The major benefit of singleness, as acknowledge through the ages, is time to think and the ability to determine for one's priorities.

I am convicted that prayer and writing are two areas I need to focus on.  I have always dabbled in writing poetry - both metrical and free verse.  I tend to go in "spurts" where I write a lot, then write nothing for months.  I also have in process several other writing projects, aside from the poetry, which need to be completed.

Since last fall, I have been struggling to figure out how to integrate more prayer and poetry into my devotional life.

I'm not sure I have the solution.

Last fall, I wanted to take a class focused on St. Ignatius' Spiritual Excercies at a Franciscan Spirituality Center.  Instead, I am doing it this fall.  It involves committing to praying an hour a day, and I am not sure I can really accomplish that, but I suspect the payoff will be worth it.  I've also become fascinated by the idea of Benedictine living & Benedictine Oblates- the focus on prayer while doing daily things.  In my mind, there has to be a way to integrate the everyday things into a prayer life (Brother Lawrence anyone?)

Last spring, I started writing a poem a day.  I was surprised at how easily it worked for about 60 days.  Then, I fell off the wagon.  I have spurts where I think I need to pick that up again, but I'm not ready to do that.  I suspect my poetry writing needs to take off again and will with the focus on prayer.

I'm also taking a class on Emotional Maturity and Spiritual Leadership.  Interestingly, the first book addresses our family of origin and contemplative living.  (Perhaps I was on to something with the prayer and poetry writing!).

My inspiration this fall is Dante, the medieval poet.  I started reading The Divine Comedy this summer and was astounded by the complex poetic verse and the religious ideas that permeate it.  How does one invent such things?  How do you invent it during 1300?  How do you do it in rhyming verse?

I love the imagery, the illusion to scripture, the structure of hell, purgatory and heaven, the addition of catholic ideas (when we were all members of the catholic church), and the fusion of Roman and Greek mythology.  My history classes definitely help me to understand Dante's comments on church history and function.

So, with Dante as inspiration, prayer as a devotion, and poetry as a method to express myself, I hope to dive into the contemplative lifestyle.

New Goals

I've been tinkering with the idea of setting a few new goals.  I don't like to set New Year's Resolutions, as January doesn't strike me as a good time to set the goals I need to accomplish.  However, around the time school starts, I feel like things are new again.  These are a few progressive goals I hope to achieve.

1.  Exercise regularly - I just bought a new treadmill.  I'm hoping to develop a habit of regularly using it or walking outside.
- I'd like to start jobbing/running.
- Ideally, I'd like to run a 5K
- Then a 10K
- A half-marathon
- Marathon

2.  Develop a regular Bible Study plan.  I run in streaks on this.  Sometimes (like for 18 months at a time) I can do a regular read through the Bible.  Then I need to switch to a written study, and then take a break. I've been on a break for a while.  Hopefully I can start a more disciplined approach soon.
- I'd like to do focused studies on prayer, discipleship, and women in ministry
- I want to increase my prayer time.
- Maintain my Hebrew vocabulary by building in time reading the Bible in Hebrew.

3.  Make progress on adopting/ foster parenting.
- I am signed up to take the foster parents training in September.
- I need to decide on an adoption agency or set intercountry adoption aside for a time
- Part of this process is saving more money for the costs of the adoption

4.  I'm tinkering with the idea of another pet.  I want to make a decision on this soon.


As I write this, I recognize that I probably will fall short in a few areas, but I also know that I need to write these goals down so that I can hold myself accountable.