Hurricane Earl

Spinning toward one of my favorite places is Hurricane Earl.  Projections place Earl near the Outer Banks sometime later this week.

The Outer Banks are a spectacular experience.  I love it during the off-season when there are few people, but quaint businesses, time to loiter over sweet tea, sunshine on empty beaches and clear views from the multiple lighthouses.  Traffic can be a bother, but finding a small local restaurant with great food or a nice sports bar with a game on are part of the joy of being there.

One of my favorite memories is seeing all of the lighthouses in a two day period with my friend Karlene.  We even managed to climb Hatteras in sandals and survived the ferry to Ocracoke.  If you have not been there, plan a visit for a long weekend or even a week to golf, swim in the ocean or walk on the beach.

I understand why Earl would enjoy a Labor Day weekend at the Outer Banks, but I hope he keeps his visit very short and sweet.

My latest hobby

Last year, I decided to get a bird feeder.  I've always liked the idea of feeding the birds, but never had done it.  So far, I have loved feeding the birds both here and in Ames.

At this house, I actually have a bigger variety of birds due to the park's trees.  I also have both squirrels and chipmunks who are scavenging at the feeder.  I also had a pair of cardinals nest in a bush in the backyard.  I was surprised how quickly the babies got out of the nest.

I had let the feeder go empty for most of July and August.  I did occasionally fill the bird bath.  Yesterday I filled up the feeder, in part because I bought a couple of new ones in Ames.  I also filled my bird bath with water.

So far today, I've seen one of the baby cardinals (it is a juvenile bird, and may be a male as it has some molted feathers coming in) and several of the nuthatches back.

Meanwhile, the creatures keep fighting over the food.  The chipmunk body-slammed the squirrel over a peanut, and gained about 3 pounds today on the peanuts and sunflower seeds.  The baby cardinal was chasing every other bird away from "his" sunflower seeds (the quick little chickadee snuck a few out).  I suspect the blue jays will be in on the party by tomorrow.

Thoughts on Beck & MLK

I have been watching the debate on this past weekend's activities with some amusement.  It seems to me that both sides are behaving badly.

First, Glenn Beck.  Why have a rally at the same spot on the anniversary of Martin Luther King Jr.'s great speech?  Even if you set it up without knowing, once you realized the date was the same, why not consider another weekend?

Next, Al Sharpton. If the anniversary was so important, why didn't you reserve the memorial for your activities?

Finally, the park service.  Why wasn't someone paying attention to the potential issues with this weekend?

Fortunately, both events went off without a hitch and without any apparent interaction between the two camps.  

I do have issues with both Beck and Sharpton, neither one is high on my integrity list.  Both seems to have a problem with a running mouth which says things they later should regret but without the apologies being made.

Both make major issues out of minor things, reading evil motives into apparently innocent behavior.

Abstinence as Sexual Moderation?

I stumbled across an interesting Article  on chastity.  The author, Hephzibah Anderson, took a year long vow of celibacy to see how it affected her dating life (and life in general).

What she discovered about herself and her dates was eye-opening.  First, she believes we disconnect the emotional from the sexual, to our detriment.  By rushing to bed, women, in particular, forego the emotional connection they desire for mere sexual contact.  She views it as women exchanging sexual frustration for emotional frustration.

Anderson found that by removing sex from her dating, she was able to be more "generous" in dating, meaning she gave men a break as she wasn't viewing everything through sexualized context.  The men seemed to embrace the chance to step into traditional roles of courtship.

Women seemed to be the most upset at her chastity vow, which she attributes to the view that a woman's independence is related to loving and leaving men, not choosing another way.

Anderson wrote a book on her experiences.  Of the letters she received from men, some affirmed that if the right woman came along, they would be willing to wait until marriage for sex.

Her goal now is to bring "moderation" to the sexual revolution.

This article is interesting to me because a secular source is affirming many of the reasons Christians have for choosing abstinence.  Removing sex from the dating equation frees people to look at other aspects of their beloved - their character and the rest of their life.  While sex may be an important part of a marriage,  things like views on money, children, religion, and family are the primary reasons people divorce - not sex life.   Having sex in a relationship muddies the water.

Anderson points out that women need emotional connection, and by jumping in bed, women lose the opportunity to get that from men.  

A friend of mine claims the sexual revolution was merely a way for men to get free sex - without the strings of marriage, paternity, or even relationship.  Unfortunately, there is a lot of truth in that statement.

Chastity is not viewed as a virtue by most in our society.  Anderson's piece at least presents it as an option for those navigating the dating world.  Young women and men don't understand that there is a choice beyond sex, nor does anyone tell them the emotional and relational pitfalls.  Society mocks virginity, abstinence and celebrates people who can't keep their marriage vows.  Anderson's work may not be perfect, but it at least presents a point to start the discussion.

Giddy with Joy!

I am giddy with joy as I have completed another quarter of classes.  This time I have a whole month to catch up on everything I put off while I'm "studying."

Naturally, the list is rather long:

Paint
Read a few books (like 20)
Make some Hebrew Flash cards
Read ahead on next quarter
Garden - or at least tame the jungle that is my backyard
Organize a closet or five
Unpack a few boxes
Relax in the hot tub
Scrapbook
Crochet - I found a new mystery pattern to try
Finish my 1st NaNo novel (it's about 2/3 done)
Finish my 2nd NaNo novel (barely started)
Finish my 4th NaNo novel (its about 2/3 done) - Notice I finished the 3rd one.
Learn my new Una Vocis music
Clean the basement
Blog
And, I'm sure about 50 other things I'm forgetting right now.

Marriage: Who Cares?

The gay marriage debate has been churning on for several years.  To me, people fall into three camps:  (1) Those for it, (2) Those opposed to it, and (3) Those who don't care.

I understand the first two groups positions, and I don't think I need to rehash them here.  What is striking is that the first two groups have decided marriage is an important right - one worth fighting over.  The third group concerns me.  These are folks who have written off marriage.

This attitude puzzles and perplexes me.  As a single woman, I understand that marriage is not something for everyone.  Some want to avoid commitment; some fear failure; some are hoarding wealth; others can't make an emotional commitment.  I imagine there are other reasons.

Marriage is an important right.  It is worth fighting over.  Setting aside religious reasons of Christians, Jews, Muslims, there are still many good reasons to value marriage.

Financial:  Marriage protects and enhances assets.  Two people can build up (or spend!) a fortune easier than one can.  There are various tax breaks available to married couples.  Social security is available to surviving spouses, not surviving live-ins.  I am always shocked at the women who commit financial suicide by failing to marry or by divorcing spouse for no reason other than their perception of "convenience."  If your long-term live-in dies in a car crash, you will not get social security benefits. If your husband dies, you do.  This could amount to a substantial amount of money over a lifetime.

In my experience, there is a financial disparity in the household finances as well.  Women tend to foot the bill at a greater rate than men do.  If children are brought into the mix, women have to take off time from work and their finances suffer further.  Some of these women do not return to the work force - again their social security and retirement suffers.  If the relationship ends, the woman is left without income if she hasn't returned to the job yet.  The greatest imbalance of financial problems occurs at the poverty level - women with children get the welfare benefits and the men in their lives mooch off of them to the detriment of the woman and children.

Families:  Children feel more secure in a committed family.  Roles are defined by the couple - the relationship is not something just fallen into like a sexual relationship can be.  Both have assented to the relationship.  I see many women who are putting up with boyfriends who won't make a commitment because they are afraid to be alone.  This imbalance of power affects the relationship (and is a reason why, I believe a lot of men don't want to get married).

I see children shuffled around like baggage when their parents cannot maintain a firm commitment to each other.  When it isn't convenient for the parent to have the child, the child is sent off to someone else's house.  Usually "convenience" is defined by the new significant other or the person's sex life.

Children are put in physical danger in their unmarried parents' homes.  Let's face it: the new boyfriend or girlfriend isn't likely to want to take care of someone else's kids (the ones who do admirably I commend).  Look at the murder rate of young children - it is often Mom's new boyfriend or Dad's new girlfriend.  And don't even get me started on the rate of sex abuse that happens at the hands of these transient significant others.

Health:  So you didn't get married because you didn't want Mrs X as a mother-in-law.  In fact, your beloved hasn't seen or talked to his mother in a couple years.  Then your 20 year live-in boyfriend was in a car accident and put into a vegetative coma.  Guess who decides if he lives or dies?  Yup, absent a written health care power or attorney, it is the next of kin.   This is one of the main reasons cited by gays wanting the right to marry.

Feelings:  Don't underestimate the benefit of being called someone's "wife" or "husband." Those little words carry a lot of power, demonstrate a lot of feelings, and carry legal authority.  The social standing is different than one who is merely a "significant other," "paramour," "lover," "boyfriend" or "guy-I-live-with."

My fear is that the next generation will not see the benefit of marriage and will not understand why anyone fought for it.  Regardless of your stance on gay marriage, as a society and individuals, we need to acknowledge that marriage matters.

One Answer to Free Time

I auditioned on Sunday for a choral group.  I anticipated I would not get in, and had some mixed feelings about it. On one hand, it will consume some of my precious free time.  On the other, it will provide new friendships, develop my voice and be fun.

Last night, the director called - and I actually got in!  I was so excited, I think he didn't know what to say.  So, now I will have to give up my Thursday nights to rehearse for the two concerts we have.

This will now force me to be more intentional with my time.  Hopefully, it will add joy, not stress to my life.

Success!

I managed to color my own hair tonight. I love the color and hopefully it will look great tomorrow.

I used Loreal Superior Preference in Lightest Auburn and mixed it with Loreal Superior Preference in Intense Copper.  The color in my hair is a light red.  I also purchased a Clariol Hairpainting kit, but did not use it - I'm more leery of the highlights than the permanent color.  If I could find someone to help me, I may try it, but I worry about doing it well by myself.

I did not use the whole 25 minutes, but did about 20 minutes.  It was looking really red and I didn't want to fry my hair if I could avoid it.  Next time I may go longer and see what happens.  When I had it done at the salon, I had some bright red colors and I doubt I would get there with these colors.

My hair does not take color well - it fades out quickly. So, I'll get to do this again in about 6 weeks.  I'm happiest as instead of having a $150 salon bill, I can do it myself for $20!  Will definitely help the financial plan.

Ideas for My Free Time

I have almost no free time.  Or at least I tell myself that.  I do keep busy with work, school, life, ministry, writing and taking care of Blaze & Indy.

Adding children to this seems to be lunacy - I'm not sure how I will find time to do the things I like to do if I am caring for children.  Surely, priorities will have to be made and adjusted.

So, while I am waiting for all these things to fall into place, I am looking for a few new activities.  I have decided to audition for a choral group.  Of course, this week, I have developed a stuffed nose and throat.  And, truth be told, I doubt I will get into the group as they have plenty of women and I am not that great of a singer.  Adequate, but not spectacular.

If this falls through, then I want to try another group.  Or maybe I'll look to the museum or library to consume a few more hours.

I could just spend more time doing my house projects - painting, scrapbooking, writing, etc.

Color My Own Hair?

I've been coloring my hair for the past 5 years or so.  I had a stylish, who I adored in Ames.  However, at the end of my time there, I was starting to worry about the amount of money I was spending on my hair.

As I want to be more financially stable and be actively saving for an adoption (and a few trips, and a few new things, etc), paying $120+ every 6 weeks was getting a bit pricey.  So, I have been letting the dye fade out of my hair.  It actually doesn't look bad, as the dye tends to slowly leave my hair anyway by the time I had to get it done again.

Of course, I was a bit shocked to find a few grey hairs.  But then again, I am a few years older.  I never thought I was so vain as to let a few grey hairs bother me.  And they don't.  Very much.  At least when I can't see them.

I am considering coloring my own hair.  I haven't done anything like that with my hair since I was a child, when my mother would perm my hair.  I'd guess the last time we did that I was about 10.

Tonight I looked at the colors at Target and couldn't find one I liked.  Tomorrow, I may look at Wal-mart.  Somehow I suspect Super Target will have fewer choices than the Super Walmart will.  If all fails, I can try Walgreens.

I usually color my hair a red color; sometimes a very bright red.  So I want to find a nice auburn color and add some blonde highlights (again a look I've done before - with the stylist's help of course).

I'm a bit concerned about attempting this project, but I also know that I can go to the salon and cut off some if need be.  I will try to document the transformation  when it happens this weekend.

If I don't chicken out.

The Problem of Singleness in the American Christian Church

I've attended churches of various sizes and denominations.  One uniform problem I encounter is that churches don't know what to do with singles.  

By that, I mean that churches are so focused on married people and children, that they do not address the potential needs, desires and lifestyle issues of singles. 

Some churches attempt to address singleness by having "singles only" classes, events and small groups.  I have enjoyed this type of programming, but there are a few problems with it.  First, there is a tendency that the groups become meat markets, where feelings are hurt by indiscrete daters or by others pressuring dating couples to "hurry up and marry."  Additionally, these churches believe they are addressing the issue when in reality the rest of the programming again focuses on marrieds.  In other words, there is no integration between singles and marrieds.  

These programs tend to be focused at young singles, not middle-aged or elderly singles.  The reality of the lonely widower persists, as the church does not address those issues.

In other churches, singles are viewed as diseased with marriage the only cure.  In these groups, there is a lot of pressure to date, mate and procreate.  

Many churches do not recognize women as leaders.  In these churches, women are regulated to nursery duty or teaching sunday school as their service and leadership options.  Serving on the Elder Board or as an adult teacher is not possible.

Churches that allow women ministers do marginally better.  Another danger for singles is that people believe singles have unlimited time to do church things.  Singles may have more time, but in other ways we have less as there is no one to help complete the household chores - sole responsibility for the lawn, laundry, dishes, cleaning, dog walking and car repair falls on the individual.

So how can the church address these problems? I'll tackle that in another post.

 Sunday night was the 50th running of the Knoxville Nationals.  A crowd of over 23,000 watched the 50 lap feature.  I spent most of the day volunteering at the National Sprint Car Hall of Fame (one of my favorite places).  Here is what I learned while in Knoxville all day.
1.  Aussies love sprint car racing.  Each year, more and more Aussies show up at Knoxville.  One man I spoke with last night estimated that a couple thousand Aussies were at the Nationals.  Amazingly, the local and national media haven't picked up on this story - that Aussies come to America to visit IOWA to watch racing.
2.  Race Fans Can't Recognize Drivers.  Fans wearing Tony Stewart gear won't recognize Smoke, even if he holds the door for them and waits with them for an elevator.  Fans are no better at seeing Kasey Kahne when he is walking around either.  Apparently, remove the firesuit, become invisible.
3.  Aussies are flirts.  Do I really need to explain this?

4.  It ain't over until it's over.  With 5 to go, it appeared that the race would either go to Donny Schatz or Sammy Swindell.  The pair started swapping the lead each turn until with 3 to go, Swindell's left rear tire blew.  Then everyone presumed Schatz would win (some fans left the stands at this point).  Then on the restart, Schatz's engine started to go and Tim Shaffer motored to the win.
5.  Good guys can finish first. I met Tim several years ago when he made a special trip into the museum to sign some items for a benefit. This was despite the fact he was unable to race at the time because of an injury.  But he still made the trip and followed through with the things he had committed to do.  That speaks volumes for his character.

Mind the Gap: Bras

This summer, I've spent a few hot days at racing events and other outdoor activities.  It is becoming very clear to me that as a society, women have lost the ability to check their appearance in a mirror.

Yesterday, I saw several women who attempted to wear a white shirt with a black bra, a couple girls who wore a tank top that didn't cover the bra at all and a few sheer shirts with lacy bras underneath.  Sadly, most of these women were over the age of 30 and would have been shocked to realize what they were advertising, but for lack of a mirror did not know.

Presumably, none of these women looked at how they looked in a mirror.  Otherwise, I'm fairly certain they would have changed clothes.  I doubt the 45 or something woman who wore a sheer shirt realized she was flashing nipples at everyone, including her 3 year old grandson who was with her.  Indeed, the woman who wore the one-shoulder shirt probably didn't realize that from the size, her entire breast was visible.

However, these fashion faux pas could have been averted with a single mirror.  Alas, mirrors are rare and many do not know how to use them properly.

Maybe we ought to take up a collection for women without a mirror, so they don't subject the rest of us to an unintended viewing of their chests.

New Goals

I've been tinkering with the idea of setting a few new goals.  I don't like to set New Year's Resolutions, as January doesn't strike me as a good time to set the goals I need to accomplish.  However, around the time school starts, I feel like things are new again.  These are a few progressive goals I hope to achieve.

1.  Exercise regularly - I just bought a new treadmill.  I'm hoping to develop a habit of regularly using it or walking outside.
- I'd like to start jobbing/running.
- Ideally, I'd like to run a 5K
- Then a 10K
- A half-marathon
- Marathon

2.  Develop a regular Bible Study plan.  I run in streaks on this.  Sometimes (like for 18 months at a time) I can do a regular read through the Bible.  Then I need to switch to a written study, and then take a break. I've been on a break for a while.  Hopefully I can start a more disciplined approach soon.
- I'd like to do focused studies on prayer, discipleship, and women in ministry
- I want to increase my prayer time.
- Maintain my Hebrew vocabulary by building in time reading the Bible in Hebrew.

3.  Make progress on adopting/ foster parenting.
- I am signed up to take the foster parents training in September.
- I need to decide on an adoption agency or set intercountry adoption aside for a time
- Part of this process is saving more money for the costs of the adoption

4.  I'm tinkering with the idea of another pet.  I want to make a decision on this soon.


As I write this, I recognize that I probably will fall short in a few areas, but I also know that I need to write these goals down so that I can hold myself accountable.

My Newest Pet Peeve

I’ve noticed that it is trendy for Christians to play fast and loose with certain terms.  Every few years one term falls out of favor and a new one is added to the lexicon.

For example, some are rejecting “Christian” and instead using “Christ-followers” instead.  While I understand that the people insisting on this change are striving to lose the negative connotations, reinventing the wheel also leads to more confusion among everyone.

But my biggest pet peeve is applying the term “monasticism” to communal living by families and married persons.  Monasticism is defined as living in a monastery, convent, nunnery, or abbey by unmarried persons.   To say you are living “monastically” when you have really just moved to a commune with your wife and kids strikes me as missing the point at best and at worst completely misleading everyone.

Historically  for over 2,000 years, the terms has NOT been applied to married people.  By co-opting the term and applying it to a situation that is inaccurate diminishes its meaning to future generations and the significance in our history.

To be a monk in a monastic community meant (and means) that sacrifices were made: primarily marriage and family.  In Medieval times, living in a monastery may have been a benefit, as there was usually food, learning, and community.

Today, monastic living is more about the sacrifice – try living in today’s society as a single person.  From the outside looking in, the world believes you are homosexual, weird, and/or undesirable. Our society values pairing off, and to see someone deliberately or not so deliberately choose otherwise is disconcerting to society.

As a single Protestant woman, I often joke that at least Catholic singles receive the “spiritual benefit” of choosing to be singles as a nun or monk.  In my Protestant circles, which heavily value and tout marriage and family, I’m more often viewed as a anomaly.

Perhaps that is why I dislike the use of terms relating to singleness being redefined to include marriage.  I mean, as a single Christian, I have to forego sex, can’t you keep your married paws off my single-meaning terms?

The Problem of Purity in Today's Christian Church

From where I sit, as a Single Christian Woman, the American church has a major purity problem.  Living in a sex-drenched society, the church does not address sexual purity.

Christians decry abortion, but refuse to educate their children about the blessings of celibacy and how to practically achieve that purity in daily life. Division rips at the Church on the issue of homosexuality, but we wink and smirk at heterosexual sex outside of marriage.  We ignore the issue of pornography (except to say we are against it in some vague, undefined way) and refuse to acknowledge its creeping encroachment in our lives via the internet, TV, and movies.

It is not surprising that today’s American Christian is just as likely to have sex outside of marriage (either before, during or after), create children before marriage,  have an unhappy, unsexually fulfilled marriage, and get divorced!

Today’s most endangered species in America?  A virgin over 18 years of age.  Purity is not a value American culture celebrates.  Having sex with as many people as possible is the name of the game.  Movies are plotted around the idea that without having sex, one cannot have a fulfilling existence, cannot be popular and is somehow “weird.”  Glossing over the issues of pregnancy, STDs and relationship difficulties that multiply with multiple partners, American Society wants everyone to join in the orgy.  After all, there are no consequences, right?

Instead of pointing out the myriad of problems that come with multiple sexual partners, viewing pornography and refusing to submit the body, the Christian Church ignores much of the problem.  The sexual purity line is drawn around homosexuals and abortioners, not women reading graphic romance novels or men viewing Playboy videos.

Jesus had other ideas.  He declared, “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”  Matthew 5:27-28.     I doubt Jesus would be happy at the state of Purity in the American Church.

Paul, picking up Jesus’ theme, wrote about purity.  His desire was clearly in line with Jesus’: “I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people – not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral or the greedy and swindlers, or idolators.  In that case you would have to leave this world.  But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolator, or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler.  With such a man do not even eat.” I Cor. 5:9-11.  He later writes, “The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.” 1 Cor. 6:13b.

It is not enough to say that “We are against pre-marital sex,” (even though that alone would be a refreshing change- most churches are silent on the issue).  No, the Church needs to step up and provide help to individuals struggling with purity burdens.  We need to accept less of the pornographic ideas that society tries to feed us through the internet, fashion, TV, movies and accepted social behaviors.

We need to equip our pre-teens and teens to deal with the issues of intimacy, calling them to deep, but pure, relationships with others.  We need to teach our young women how to dress modestly in the fashion culture that prefers to show off the entire body.  Young men need to be mentored about the dangers of idolizing the bodies of women who appear in skin magazines and movies (reality is unlike to measure up).

To leave sex to those outside of the Church, which has been the default position of the American Church since the Puritans hit Plymouth Rock, is irresponsible and dangerous.  It is time to reclaim the Church’s rightful position in society as the Oracle of Purity.  We need to proclaim the benefits of sex within marriage, the joy of purity, and cease the striving and distortion that society’s view of sexuality creates.

God invented sex – and He invented the Rules about it.  We cannot keep ignoring our corporate obligation to society and worse, to our youth (in age and Christianity) without heaping coals in our own lap.

And at this rate, the fire is already kindling.