To Friend or Not to Friend: Facebook Dilemma

Today in my inbox arrived a facebook friend request I've been somewhat dreading: one from birth mom.  It's not that I dislike her or don't want to have contact with her, but I'm not sure I want her to have access to my facebooked life.

I've been weighing the pro's and con's of accepting or declining.  She'd be able to see how the kids are doing and could keep tabs on them without much intrusion or effort on my part.  But she'd be privy to the ups and downs of life too.  When we go on vacations - she'd be able to see.  She'd see how the kids interact with me on facebook. 

What would that create in emotion in her?  Envy?  Joy?  Anxiety?  Do I tell the girls?  How do I keep the girls from finding out if I don't tell them? How do I stop myself from checking up on Her?

So, I'm not making a decision right now.  I need to think this through first.

Discipline

At the Y today, I overheard a Mother and Daughter conversation.

D:  Can I have her come over and stay over night?
M:  No, you didn't clean your room like I asked.  So, no friends over.
D: I promise I will clean it when she leaves.
M: I don't think so.
D: And if I don't then I would lose my TV privileges for 18 months, my phone privileges for 3 months, my X-Box privileges for 6 months and no friend over for a month.
M: (Silence)

I'm not sure how the conversation ended, if the Daughter got her way or not, but it highlighted an important conflict in parenting: Consistency.  Do you follow through with what you threatened? Compromise? Or Cave?

I've already fallen into this trap - where I've told a child not to do something and then the child does it.  Following through is sometimes the last thing I want to do!  For example, I have problems with one child who is a beast to the babysitter (it doesn't matter which one) when it is time for bed.  So, the child was advised that the next time it happened, bedtime would happen before I left the house - even if it was still light outside.  For a few weeks, this threat worked.  But then the child pulled the same old crying, temper tantrum for the sitter.  This week, the child was in bed by 6:30 p.m., before I left the house.  I've already heard that it wasn't much fun, so we'll see if I have to do it again in the future or not (I think it is very likely I will have to do it again!).  I'm hopeful that if I am consistent in doing what I say I will do, the children will not think my if you do this, then that will happen are idle words.

This doesn't mean that I don't struggle with it.  Giving in seems so easy.  But then I see children throwing temper tantrums in the stores and realize I don't want to live that way.

Dark Nights of the Soul

I've never been very mystical.  My spirituality, my Christianity, and my personality do not lend themselves to mysticism.  I'm too practical and logical to be having visions or experiences.

But, lately, I've been fascinated by reading books about "Dark Nights of the Soul."  I've read St. John of the Cross and St. Teresa of Avila.  And now I'm reading about Mother Teresa's struggles.

In many ways, I don't get it.  Whether this is because I've never experienced the ecstasy of mysticism or because I haven't experience the "Night," I don't know.  It is very interesting to know the depths of spiritual longing and pain that some go through.  It is comforting to know that one can remain faithful, even if one is not experiencing God at the optimal level.

It's not that I want to experience the "Night," either, as it sounds like a soul-searing process.  But it appears to leave its mark.

I guess that the books about people failing to make it through are not well read.  But maybe I should be looking at those too!

Current Reads

I haven't updated my reading list for a while.   I always love reading magazines.  I have way too many subscriptions to keep up with right now.

I love Southern Living.  It has the best recipes!  I also love looking at their home ideas and the articles on traveling in southern states.

I also enjoy reading Christian History magazine.  It is now edited by my professor Chris Armstrong, who blogs here.  The last issue was on hospitals and health care - I learned so much.  I can't wait to see what they come up with next.  The hell issue was great too.

I also regularly read Sprint Cars & Midgets, produced by another friend of mine, Doug Auld.  If you enjoy dirt track racing a la World of Outlaws and USAC, this is the magazine for you.  David Argabright, one of my favorite authors, writes a fiction serial for them.

I've been slogging through Bryan Chapell's Christ-Centered Preaching.  While it is a good book, it is a bit heavy for me to constantly read (like I have time to read a lot of extra things anyway!). 

I also started Christopher J.H. Wright's Old Testament Ethics for the People of God.  Again, I need to take time to chew on this as I read it.

One book I cannot put down right now is Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light.   I had put off buying it for awhile because I feared it would be fascinating.  It is.  The book consists of a look at Mother Teresa's life interposing her private correspondence with her confessors, spiritual directors and superiors.  In it, she gives a glimpse at how she felt her relationship with God and Jesus was progressing (mostly along the lines of the "Dark Night of the Soul").  Surprisingly, after her initial calling, she never felt that she connected with Jesus, but she kept pursuing the plan He had given her.

November is National Adoption Month

I've only been a foster parent for a few months, but it is a very rewarding process.  While many people comment that they think it is great that I am a foster mom, they are very reluctant to step up to the plate and do it themselves.

While foster parenting is an imposition to some degree, the rewards outweigh the problems.  First, in Iowa, there is a 10 week training program that answers questions, provides resources and explains the process.  Next, there is  ongoing contact with a social worker, plus information is available through support groups for foster parents.  Naturally, there is medical assistance and financial assistance for the children. 

Truly helping children and families through a difficult time is a great reward. 

Not to mention hugs, kisses and giggles.

How do you get involved?  In Iowa, contact iowakidsnet.com

Need information on other states?  Or want to see some of the children in foster care who are looking for permanent homes?  Try AdoptUSKids.org

Interviewing a New Shepherd

I spent three nights this week interviewing three candidates for our lead pastor position at church.  During the process, I got to know my fellow search team members, and as struck by how each person does ministry differently.

Each of the candidates had a very different personality.  It was interesting to see how experience, life situations and other factors played into how each perceived the challenge of coming to our church.  We also had to disclose the good, the bad and the ugly during the process and put our hopes and dreams for the future on the line.  Can one of these candidates bring about the change the congregation desires?

And how would each candidate's leadership qualities come into play at the church?  Would it be too strident, too laid-back, or just right. 

I haven't had time to speak with the rest of the time yet.  But, I was struck that each of the candidates would probably work at our church, but the bigger question is which one will be best?

Motivation

I've always been self-motivated.  I like get my work done early, think about it and then turn it in.  I don't like the stress of doing something at the last minute, even though at times I have had to do it.

So, I'm completely flustered with the last minute or missed deadline thinking.  And now, I have a child who thinks deadlines are merely suggestions, not a date that means anything. 

Figuring out how to motivate these late -date thinkers is difficult.  On one hand, the pressure seems to be the place they like to go by doing things at the last minute.  On the other hand, it is the procrastination that is the bigger problem, as though by ignoring things they will go away.  I'm sure some of this is the result of transitioning from elementary school to junior high, but it still presents an issue.

As the first quarter of school is ending, I wonder how to make things better next quarter without driving myself and the child crazy!