Sex and the Everyday Christian

This week, I read a dating profile that caused me to pause.  The man wrote that he was a firm Lutheran, but his goals in a relationship were #1 communication and #2 romance/sex.

What caused me to pause was the inconsistency between his faith and his motives for dating.  Unfortunately, this isn't unusual.  We tend to say one thing and then do another.

No where in the lives of the average Christian is this more prevalent than in our sex lives.  Society saturates us in sex talk, mainstreams questionable sexual practices (one night stands, threesomes, to name a few), makes celebrities out of porn stars, and touts the benefits of polygamy.

The societal water is so full of pollution we don't even realize we're in it - it flows into our music, our conversations and our thought-lives.

And it shows up in our daily lives.  We don't question sex before marriage or the birth of children outside of marriage.  We think, erroneously, that living together before marriage increases its likelihood of success.  We buy into the idea that sexual compatibility is more important than emotional compatibility.

The Christian Church remains silent.  Perhaps too many have fallen into sexual misadventure to speak into the void.  Perhaps many have bought into the idea that sex is private and shouldn't be discussed in the open.  Perhaps others think parents are the ones to address it with their children, not realizing parents are too busy, scared, and embarrassed to discuss it.

On the other hand, the Christian Church feels compelled to speak out on homosexual sex.  Forgetting that it is heterosexual sex that the Bible speaks most often about, and condemns outside of marriage.

We decry abortion, but fail to address the cause: sex in relationships that aren't really relationships!  Instead, we kill babies as a form of birth control and as a way to maintain the convenience of our lives.  Surgery is endorsed as a way to avoid something that is completely preventable in several other ways.

By forfeiting our position on premarital/extramarital heterosexual sex, we lose ground on other issues. Worse, by not conforming our lives to Christ, we lose out on the benefits of grace: peace, joy, and healing.

Beans & Rice

A blog I read suggested eating more beans and rice.  Her reason was that it was easy to make in a crockpot and rice cooker and, more importantly, all of her children would eat it.

There is also a movement to eat more beans and rice as a way to identify and support countries where the meal is a staple.  The meal is cheap, easy to make and relatively healthy as a vegetarian dish with protein.

And the variations are endless. Add a few spices, and it tastes one way; add some others and it is favored another way.

I decided to try it today, so I made my first batch of black beans (with a bay leaf, onion and garlic salt) and brown rice.  As it was my first use of the rice cooker, I had a slight malfunction.  But by the time to eat, I had everything done.  It had a good favor, and was fairly filling.

I cooked the beans in the crockpot overnight on low and the rice was cooked this morning.  I'm excited to see what I can do with the leftovers - Mexican dishes, cha-cha gohan, and other delicacies.

New Trend in TV Shows: Mainstreaming Polygamy

It started with "Big Love" an HBO show, featuring a man with three wives.  This year, TLC is following a  real life "family" with one husband, four wives, and sixteen children.

Why the fascination with multiple wives?  And why is the entertainment world touting this as an acceptable and desirable lifestyle?

The Old Testament featured these type of families, and generally things did not go well.  Jacob's family was split with strife by wives who felt less desirable, unloved and those who lorded their position in the family over the others.  The strife flowed to the following generations.

By New Testament times, the standard family had resolved to one husband, one wife (at least at any given point in time, as the wife or husband may change via death or divorce).

In the Muslim world, polygamy is more common.  But the issues that plagued Jacob's family still persist in these type of families.  Jealousy.  Child Brides. Women with no choice. Children with secrets.

What I do not understand is why there is no outcry from women's groups that these lifestyles are going on.  Why is it OK for one man to have multiple wives?  Why no shows celebrating one wife, multiple husbands?  The reason, I believe, is that it strikes at the traditional fears of men (and I am not saying this is necessarily a bad tradition).

But it is not empowering to women either.  Who wants to share a husband?  Who wants to have to wait until Wednesday to see Daddy because that is the night we get him?  Who can afford to support four wives and sixteen children?  And what happens when the man dies and social security only pays one wife?

Our culture has embraced an anything goes sexuality.  Polygamy is just another step on the path toward demolishing the remaining sexual boundaries.  Once polygamy is accepted, the envelope will move to another issue.

As Christians, we need to address the polygamy issue in our culture and not just look the other way.

Week One: Spiritual Exercises

As I've noted before, I am taking a class/program/retreat on St. Ignatius' Spiritual Exercises for the next nine months.  I've completed Week One, and am somewhat surprised at the results.

Right now, the exercises are working on silence and solitude.  The goal of the retreat is to set aside one hour each day.  The hour doesn't have to be at once (I can break it into 1/2 hr, 1/3 hour, whatever sized chunks).  I tried to do one half hour each morning and the remainder at night.  At first, I tried to be silent on the treadmill, but was getting some distraction from the rhythm of it.  So, I decided to sit and "listen."

It is hard to be silent!  My mind tends to wander and my prayers are more me talking than anything else.  I'd say the toughest part is trying to capture my mind's constant flight from one thing to another and focus on waiting for God.

I was also surprised how quickly the time passed.  Often, I would get toward the end of the time and be amazed how quickly and effortlessly it had passed.  I had worried that getting up a few minutes earlier each day would cause me to be tired.  But, I was not any more than usual.

God seemed to give me energy to accomplish the things I needed to during the day without feeling rushed or short of time.  I am encouraged to keep working on this time and to think of different ways to spend the time.

Conversion: One Time or Ongoing? Faith or Works?

Since Martin Luther, Protestants have exclaimed Sola Fideles, and painted Catholics as living by works, not faith.  My Confession:  As a Protestant, I have an uneasy relationship with Sola Fideles.

I understand what Luther was driving at - it isn't church attendance, daily prayer, tithing or not transgressing the ten commandments that gets you into heaven - it is faith in Jesus.  But, I sometimes think we Protestants have thrown out Baby Jesus with the bath water, as we have demoted faith to a one-time event.  Say "The Prayer," and that's all you have to until death.

We have eliminated works, which in turn eliminated relationship with and growth through Christ.  Worse, we've eliminated any incentive to obey God's commands.  Why avoid sex before marriage - I prayed The Prayer one day in Bible School.  Why not steal from my employer - I prayed The Prayer in college?

In Matthew 13, Jesus tells the story of The Sower.  In it, he points out that some seed falls in the rocks, springs up quickly and then withers.  I worry that with The Prayer idea we have sown solely in the rocks and have reaped nothing.

It is not my decision whether someone who prays The Prayer and then lives life with no other external or internal Christianity gets into heaven.  That will be up to God, and hopefully that will be enough.  But I have to wonder whether a one time prayer with nothing else demonstrates true faith in Jesus (obviously this doesn't get to death bed confessions as there is no time to have works evidence).

I think Sola Fideles has also led people to believe that they can pray The Prayer at the end of life and get into heaven for free.  However, there is no guarantee that there will be time to put faith in Christ, and there is no guarantee that the individual will want to put faith in Christ.

A friend of mine stepped in between two women who were fist fighting at a bar.  For his trouble, he was stabbed by one of them and was taken to the hospital in bad shape.  He knew that the doctors and nurses were very concerned that he was not going to survive the emergency surgery, in part because they sent in a nun to speak with him.  She begged him to repent his sins in case he died before the surgery was over.  He thought about it, but decided that he really wasn't sorry for the "sins" he had committed.  This worried him some later on, but not enough to change.  I'd guess Jesus would say his heart was hard.

I see faith as naturally flowing to works that demonstrate the heart is seeking to be more and more Christlike and to develop a relationship with Christ.  In my own life, I know that there are times I don't want to grow; I'm tired, busy or frustrated with "the church" or "Christians."  I want to take the easy road, not the hard, uphill one.

So then, I want to see evidence of works in the lives of Christians, in addition to faith.  I want to see that the conversion to Christ is real, tangible, and ongoing.

I guess I don't see conversion as a one time thing - I am constantly uprooting sin, bad habits, and idolatry from my heart.  We can never attain perfection until we see Jesus.  Conversion to Jesus takes work.

Spiritual Direction: The Lost Idea?

Today I started my nine month Spiritual Exercises in Everyday Life (SEEL) spiritual retreat.  Part of the commitment is to meet with a spiritual director twice a month. Since SEEL is held at a Franciscan Spirituality Center, and the exercises are from St. Ignatius, I have once again embraced a few "Catholic ideas."  The Catholic idea of spiritual direction sounds like something the protestant church needs to take and run with it.

I certainly had not heard of spiritual direction until I started seminary, and today a co-participant asked how many spiritual directors I had worked with and how long I had done spiritual direction.  She was a bit shocked when I admitted none and never.  Spiritual direction involves talking with a listening director who helps formulate your thoughts, not someone who tells you want to do.  It is more of a sounding board for how God may be working in your life instead of a person who will tell you what decisions to make.

I decided that spiritual direction was something the catholic church did well as they have numerous people involved in daily spirituality (Monks, Nuns, etc).  In the protestant church, instead of celebrating singleness and finding ways to utilize singles within the church, we are pushing people to get married and have kids (see my rants on this topic elsewhere in this blog).  In the protestant churches I have attended, we celebrate small groups and mentoring, but not to the level of spiritual direction.  One to one accountability may be in fashion, but not one to one spiritual direction.

On the other hand, in the catholic church, one to one direction is par for the course.  Apparently, there are even directories to find spiritual directors.  Now, it also appears that spiritual direction is gaining protestant adherents as well.  As several of my co-participants are protestant and have taken classes on spiritual direction.

Spiritual direction could be a boon in the protestant church - in an age of counselors, consultants and advisors, I think people would embrace the idea.  Additionally, it would bolster the segments already in play in the church - giving pastors a respite, addressing issues small groups are ill-equipped to handle, help with developing a consistent, flexible and personal spiritual disciplines, and providing a confidential place to talk through sin and discouragement issues.

Let's hope the movement continues to grow.

New Beginnings Or I Hate Change?

A couple weeks ago, I applied for a different job - as a judge.  I did not get the position.  However, it put into motion a lot of thinking about what I want to do next in my life.  Do I want to continue to advance up the ranks at work?  What if that means moving?  What if an opportunity presents itself in the next couple months (which is actually very possible)?

Or do I settle in here, where I am comfortable and enjoy life?  Having just moved in the last six months, I am not keen on moving again.  I found I wasn't too excited about changing jobs right now.

Maybe that is because I just experienced those things and know how much work it would be.  Or maybe I am becoming complacent in a comfortable situation, which isn't a bad thing once in a while.

How does seminary fit in?  Is a radical change in my career in the offing?

My concern is that I don't want to change just to change, chasing an elusive dream instead of doing what will add to my quality of life (which is not necessarily money or more time at work).