So Now What?

I have been busy the past few months with my newest project: seminary. I am enjoying the classes and learning a lot about my faith, my God and how it all fits together.

Among the things I am thinking about as the year draws to a close is about motherhood. Becoming a pastor is a bit like mothering a congregation. Ultimately, my congregation will need to be encouraged, fed the Word, disciplined, and loved.

Throughout this process, it has brought to the front my singleness and childlessness. While I have resolved the marriage debate (in my mind at least) as something that although not for this season, it may be something God blesses me with in the future. In my mind, marriage and motherhood always went together. Get married. Have babies. As I approach 40 (I just turned 38 in October), my biological clock is ticking. But now the issue is whether I really desire children. And if so, should I continue to wait for a husband or should I pursue alternative routes?

One route would be to adopt a child or children, which opens a pandora’s box of issues. Domestic or International? One or more? How do I afford the cost of the adoption? Can I meld my life into something that can contain the time and effort required for children? What would have to give in my spending, travel, job, and schedule? How would this impact my future?

Ironically, the quick and easy solution would be in-vitro fertilization, but I don’t feel that is necessarily the right solution. I’m not sure I’m ready to grapple with the issues of sperm donors and being single and pregnant.

At this point, I am very intrigued by the idea of adopting a child. As I look at the next 25 years of my life, I’d like it to include a family with children and grandchildren. I feel like I’m at the point where I need to make a decision for the future before my age is so advanced I have no choices. I don’t think I’m beyond the point of no return, but it does appear in the offing.

God calls us to take care of the widows and orphans. Does that apply to single women? Or should adoption be left to families? These are issues I need to explore in the next few months and see how the answers impact my decisions.

The hardest part right now is talking about it with my family and friends. I guess I’m afraid of the reaction, although I doubt anyone is going to say something bad.

As I am reading more about international adoption, I’m learning that there really is a path that each family/person takes. The first and biggest choice is what country you want to pursue and what agency to use. Of course, people have good and bad experiences with many different agencies. As a single woman, my options country-wise are limited. Most asian countries do not accept single parents and it appears the African nations are divided on it. Places like Bulgaria, Russia, Haiti, Nepal and Hong Kong will accept single women. I am finding contradictory messages on places like Ethiopia.

In all, it is a big decision. Unless I adopt from an Eastern European nation, my child will look vastly different than I do. While that may not seem to be a big deal, the books I am reading mention it as a consideration. Obviously, a child with a different nationality will be obvious when we are out together.

So, for now, I am looking at which agency to use. Praying about how to finance this, and hoping that I get some divine guidance on what to do and how to proceed next.