Frustration of Single Motherhood

I'm still looking into options for intercountry adoption.  My frustration is that most adoption agencies do not want to work with singles.

I understand that some countries will only allow married couples adoption.  But what I have been running into is countries that have no such requirement but the agencies are imposing it!

Some do it under a belief that children should only be raised by two parent homes.  I understand that rationale, but remember that  these are children without ANY parents.  Would it be better for the child to languish in an institution while people exist who want to love and cherish them? And who can promise that placing a child with a couple means the couple will not separate due to death or divorce?

Still others regulate this in response to the flux in international adoption laws - many countries are constantly tweaking the guidelines.  While an intercountry adoption takes a couple of years, most of the time the agencies are operating on rumors not facts.

Finding financial aid as a single is similarly difficult as the many Christian organizations will fund only couples.

The only thing worse than adopting as a single mother?  Adopting as a single father.

Daydreaming

I spent most of the day in one of my intensives daydreaming.  It wasn't that the prof was boring or the material not relevant, rather I just couldn't focus my mind.

So, I spent the time trying to occasionally tune in and thinking through a few things.  I revisited the plot of my NaNoWriMo novel (which isn't finished but is over 50,000).  I was amazed at how it actually had some merit (not spectacular).  I wonder when I will have time to finish it off - I had also written about as far as I could without changing the plot too much.

I also spent time looking again at adoption agencies.  I'm hoping to take the foster family training in September, and I am trying to discern whether I should pursue international adoption or domestic adoption.  The cost of the international adoption is part of the obstacle in my mind.  I suppose it could be handled through a savings plan, but I'm not sure how long that would take.

Where to go from here

I'm spending my summer learning and adjusting to my move.  I have also spent time learning more about adoption.  Frankly, I'm not sure where to go from here - do I try to adopt internationally or do foster care.

Adopting internationally will be difficult as a single woman and costly.  Foster care would allow me to avoid the issues with international adoption (language, time, money, unknown issues from orphanage).  This is not to say foster care/adoption would be without issues.  Initially, the child is to be reunited with the parent and eventually if the parent does not follow the court's orders, the parent's rights will be terminated and the child placed for adoption.

My other issue is whether parenting is something I should be pursuing at all.  Do I have enough time to parent a child? What will I do during those times I have intensive learning at Bethel?  What would I do with the child while at work?  Am I emotionally ready to handle this alone?

Settling In

A lot has happened since I last blogged.  I moved into my house and have spent hours painting, unpacking and gardening.  I have finished up my first quarter of Hebrew and am just starting the second quarter.

I am still contemplating adoption or foster parenting.  I'm not sure which would be the best decision.  Likely in the short term, I am going to take the foster parenting classes and get a home-study completed.  From that point, I can then select what path to take.

There are still several hurdles on the international adoption front - several countries are in limbo as to requirements.

I don't have to make the decisions now, and I also want to look into a few other programs.  It appears that Haiti is allowing adoptions for children who were orphans prior to the earthquake and those who have been surrendered by their parents at the orphanage since the earthquake (the child has to be verified via DNA to be the surrenderer's child).

Moving On...

The house is set to close in a couple weeks, and within a month I'll be settled into my new house. While this is really exciting, it is also stressful.

My buyer had issues with the new FHA loan rules for townhouses. Basically, unless the entire development is approved by the FHA (likely with inspections of each unit), an FHA loan is not possible. Fortunately, my buyer loves my house and has arranged alternate financing. So, after a weekend when I thought I'd have to put the house back on the market, we are set to close.

With my house sale up in the air, I had to rethink my house sale. Although I like my house, I wasn't sure proceeding without my house sold was a wise idea. Since things worked out, I'm still set to buy my house (which has a hot tub!).

My job is going well. As with anything, there is always a learning curve to meeting and working with new people, learning the office particulars and adjusting to a new locale.

Once I'm settled, then the adoption issue comes to the forefront again. I've decided against Nepal, given the problems there. As a single woman, my options are limited. I'm not sure what will be a good option for me or which agency will work.

I have time to think, as at best I doubt I'll get back to the adoption issue until late this summer or early fall.

Latest News

I'm still working toward the move. I have several things to be thankful:

1. My parents helped me clean my house and move out several items before I put the house on the market.

2. The house sold in 3 days!

3. The house has passed inspection with no surprises.

4. I am scheduled to look at houses in the new locale soon.

5. I have had time to pack up a lot of things, and hopefully will be able to have a huge chunk out of the house well before I have to be out of the house.

There are a few things that I am still praying about:

1. Nepal adoptions have significant problems. I am leaning toward not adopting from there until the country implements some additional measures.

2. If not Nepal, then where?

3. How much to spend on the new house? What kind of house? Where?

Onward

I've decided to move. In essence this will push back my plans to adopt by a few months. However, I think in the scheme of things, it will be the best possible choice.

I am also reconsidering where I want to go from. Since I made my decision, there are indications that the country may close briefly to stem corruption. So, by the time I'm ready to do the home study, I may have to rethink my options.